Intergenerational Gifts
… and the other side of tomorrow
Yes, it’s that time of year again when the husband and I wonder what possible gifts would be interesting and/or welcomed by his grandkids - ages 18 months to 18 years.
Being the ‘hippie’ and somewhat frugal grandparents we are, anything trendy, plastic, electronic, noisy or featured on Amazon is usually right out.
Which leaves what? Underwear? Fruit cake? Knitted sweaters? (… and I don’t even knit…!)
It’s also the time when he laments how Christmas gifts from his otherwise beloved grandmother were typically disappointing. Socks, of course. Or worse … a book.
Like for many of us growing up in the era of Froot Loops and Looney Tunes, books were NOT cool. Nor interesting.
(Although, I personally did luuuv getting a brand new book. And socks.)
As he got older, however - and for whatever reason, maybe because he did love and miss his grandmom once she was gone - he started picking up those books. The Black Stallion. And Son of the Black Stallion.
And this one that he particularly credits for his life’s counter-cultural trajectory, The Other Side of Tomorrow.
Even as it’s hard for me anymore to walk into a ‘stuff store’ and not see a landfill in the making, I’ve certainly showered my kids over the years with so many unnecessary but fun gadgets, gizmos and goofy things.
Because getting that fleeting gratification of ‘Thanks, mom! Thanks dad!’ when the young’un’s get that thing they really wanted - even if it’ll be lost and forgotten under the bed or broken within a week - is admittedly irresistible.
Maybe it’s an age thing - a desire to offer something longer-lasting, of more meaning and import to our kids - or at least, maybe something that we still know how to operate.
We, of course, have no control over how these or any gifts will be received and appreciated; it’s sometimes hard to accept or understand what young people value (or what will be sold to them to value) - now, or in the years to come.
(And just as likely, they don’t understand our values either :)
Sure, this is largely fueled by our hyper, over-consumptive, limbic-driven marketing culture.
But, I’ve been pondering a deeper implication around relevance.
Beyond how it shows up the material items we value and want others to value, what does one generation have to offer another as far as relevant and applicable experience, perspective wisdom, skill sets, and meaning?
This is isn’t a terribly new question, as there were also fundamental shifts in collective experience before the advent of TV and cars and trains and electricity and indoor plumbing.
But, as I consider being among the last humans in modern civilization that can remember what life was like before computers, it’s clear that something about this particular technology has projected us toward an exponential leap, and its revolutionary and irreversible impact on our lives, minds, bodies and relationships is barely yet understood.
Many people have joked that if you need to figure out your smartphone, ask a 10-year-old, which is funny/not funny because, in all seriousness, what does this say about a place in our society for those who didn’t grow up with this stuff?
Where one’s value and respectability is becoming based on how adeptly we can touch screens or choose the appropriate emojis or create reels on Instagram, what contribution can those of us make who have neither the ability nor interest to keep up with this brave new world?
I say this with a slight tone of exaggeration, as I know many young people are not completely swept up in this swiftly moving current.
Or are completely ready to write us off because we’re not on TikTok.
Indeed, many are seeking nature, seeking God, even; craving real-world experiences and to glean from the rich histories of their elders.
One of my husband’s grandsons is following in his grandude's* musical shoes. Another is collecting blues on vinyl. My own adult kids are becoming interested in their family histories - right about the same age I was when genealogy became an obsession for a couple years.
(*Grandude is actually what they call him.)
I feel like I’m part of the age group that straddles epochs - the one before smartphones and computers, and now.
One that remembers playing outside at a neighbor’s house long after dark, or driving alone and breaking down at midnight without a cell phone, or using maps (paper maps!) to get places, or using an exact-o knife and rubber cement in art school to literally cut and paste.
I like to believe that something matters about this, and that I’m holding space for a way of being in the world that felt just a little more risky, a little more wild, a little more embodied, and maybe, a little more alive.
And so, really, this message is less about shaking our heads dolefully about what this world is coming to, and ‘how kids these days … yada yada yada…’ and more about advocating for ourselves our own relevance in this times, and adopting our own eldership postures.
Yes, it’s humbling, and maybe a little demeaning to depend on kids who resent having to look away from their phones for a second to help turn the tv on, while they have no appreciation for our tales of walking uphill to school both ways. (!)
But it’s vitally important that we do not let that define us.
And that we don’t let it define them.
That we each have beautiful gifts and messages of soul to bring to one another from our respective places in the time/space continuum - far, far outside of the technological web.
So, to those of us in the ‘panoramic years’*… let’s reclaim our own relevance.
Let’s not allow the culture (or our children) dictate our value based on the generation of our iPhones (yeah, I’ve had some snickers), or which operating system we’ve stalled out on, or the content of our Spotify playlist.
Nor believe that we have to give them the latest whatever-the-must-have-thing-of-the-season to be esteemed as ‘cool’. (Do they even say ‘cool’ now? Jeez… how old am I?)
(Panoramic years: a period of time in one’s life where one can see the end from the beginning - brought about perhaps by the emptying of the nest, the loss of a parent, a health crisis or an arbitrary birthday. A time when priorities can sharply pivot, and intentional use of one’s precious time and energy becomes much, much clearer.)
Post script :: As I was leaving the lovely cafe’ where I set up to draft this message, I was asked how the writing went by the woman at the checkout counter. I shared the topic, to which her eyes widened with affirmation. Another woman who was checking out, somewhat older, lamented how her adult children had no interest in her heirloom needlepoint wall hanging, nor her mother’s doilies. (Can you imagine? :) I mean, I would totally take doilies… )
They looked forward to what I would come up with and were disappointed when I said I wasn’t offering suggestions.
However, I am open to them.
If this is you - you, standing strong and wise in your panoramic years - what do you long to gift our younger fellow earth travelers .. f or the holidays, or otherwise? What from the frutiful inventory of your own life experiences, skill sets, rich and messy history would you want to pass along tenderly into the hearts and hands of our youth?
And if you’re of that younger group, what would you most appreciate receiving from your wise (and likely surprisingly interesting) predecessors? And what do you ache to share from your particular and one-of-a-kind moment of budding and blooming to those of us who think we know better?
Share below, drop me a line, hit me up on IG :)
I’d love to hear.
